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Lynne Taylor Column: Post vacation pound woes – South Strand news

Posted: September 7, 2017 at 9:41 pm

Doctor, the patient refuses to be weighed," sniffed the nurse.

Refuse is such a strong word. I just need a little more time. Like six months.

Heading to the doctors office for a physical the week after vacation. How did I make such a mistake? Now my permanent record was going to reflect every extra pound. Every ice cream cone, every margarita, every (gasp!) lobster roll was about to show up on that scale. I may as well have just plastered those tacos directly to my hips.

I knew what was coming. The doctor would shake her head and think to herself, Have we been living underneath the tables of the all you can eat buffet again? That feel-good phrase Love the body youre in wasnt pulling its own weight at the moment.

Panic set in. It was time to make a run for it. Wrapped tightly in the paper gown, I grabbed my clothes and slipped out the door of the exam room. After a few stares from the other passengers in the elevator and a quick change in lobby bathroom I and my extra pounds escaped to the parking lot.

Whew. Close call. Then sitting in the car embarrassment flooded in. How could I face the doctor again? Now my permanent record would read even worse, Patient disappeared due to fear of scales poundage unknown.

A grown, semi-mature person should be able to look the scales straight in the numbers and declare, This is me. Its not perfect, but Im working on it. Other folks can just live with it. Yes, a mature, self-confident, assured person would say that. What about the millions of the rest of us?

Back at home, it was time to Google Help for the hopelessly worried about weight. I scrolled down the screen past 147 diets I've already attempted. Its like playing whack-a-mole with carbs, sugars and proteins.

There was one new diet entry on the computer. The Worriers Diet.

This could be the answer! Try and find a middle-aged woman with six children, one mortgage, two dogs and a cat who doesnt worry.

The premise behind the Worriers Diet is simple. While general anxiety doesnt count, a specific worry burns 14 calories or more an hour. For example:

Worrying that your daughter does not have a good time on her date tonight 14 calories.

Worrying that your daughter has too good a time on her date tonight 140 calories.

Worrying that your bank account doesnt balance 14 calories.

Worrying that your bank account does balance well below zero 1,440 calories.

Worrying that your boss will ask you to work late 14 calories.

Worrying your boss wont ask you to work because youre laid off 14,440 calories.

Worrying that your spouse/partner is unhappy 14 calories.

Worrying that your spouse/partner is way too happy 144,400 calories.

This could finally be the diet for many of us. I plan to be thin by next Thursday.

Lynne Taylor divides her time between the mountains and the coast. You many reach her at drmom29223@gmail.com, or just yell loudly like her children do.

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Lynne Taylor Column: Post vacation pound woes - South Strand news


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