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Love will find a way: From bushfires to coronavirus – Bay Post/Moruya Examiner

Posted: April 3, 2020 at 2:43 am

news, local-news, anorexia, mental health, eating disorder, bushfires, coronavirus, wedding, relationship, south coast fires

From bushfires to coronavirus, so many people have had cherished plans put on hold in 2020. Madison Sternbeck-Rutter copped a double "doozy" - first when bushfires surrounded her Bodalla wedding venue in January, then when COVID-19 locked down her alternative venue in another state. Ms Sternbeck-Rutter grew up in Lilli Pilli but lives in Brisbane with her South Coast fiance. The couple wanted to be married at home on January 18. As fires bore down on the coast, fate separated them. Ms Sternbeck-Rutter's fiance had come home to see family, while she remained in Brisbane. "He flew down there for his dad's birthday and was stuck there over New Year's," she said. The coast had no power or mobile reception and Ms Sternbeck-Rutter could not contact him or her family. "I was so worried; I had no way to get in touch." Ms Sternbeck-Rutter is grateful her family evacuated safely and their home survived, unlike the 501 shire homes lost. Her family still hoped the wedding would proceed. "Some family and friends wanted it to go ahead; after all the disaster it was something to look forward to with everyone coming together," she said. "But there wasn't any confirmation of ongoing power, or roads staying open." As bushfires continued to rage, the wedding was cancelled. "The owners of the venue at Trunketabella Gardens evacuated to Canberra," she said. READ MORE: News relating to the coronavirus pandemic Ms Sternbeck-Rutter searched for a new venue and booked Brisbane's Walkabout Creek for July 3, only for coronavirus to cause another roadblock. "It has been a bit of a doozy," she said. "It's not as bad, because it's the same venue, same everything - we are just postponing," she said. Family are still prepared to travel from overseas and interstate for the couple's third attempt in December. "Everyone has been so great," she said. Ms Sternbeck-Rutter did not wallow in a "pity party" - she's learned a lot about mental health in her young life and shares her story in the hope of helping others. Coping with change has been a challenge for Madison Sternbeck-Rutter. After moving from Canberra to Brisbane last year "I fell in a ditch," the former Lilli Pilli resident said. She missed her friends and routine, but planning her wedding kept her on track - including planning to be a healthy weight. That meant gaining weight. Ms Sternbeck-Rutter suffered from anorexia nervosa as a teen. Anorexia occurs in about 0.5 percent of girls and young women and has the highest death rate of all mental illnesses. As a teen, Ms Sternbeck-Rutter ran competitively. Exercise was her outlet, but it became unhealthy. "I run to get rid of anxiety and stress; but when I run, I get very controlling with what I eat," she said. "It would result in extreme weight loss. With the weight loss, would come an increased level of obsessiveness - it's a downward spiral. "When there's something to deal with I go straight to that pattern of thinking." She was hospitalised at 14, and again last year "because the doctor said I could drop dead". "There are certain medical markers: my blood count was low, my heart rate was 32 and my liver was failing. It was bad ... and it's silent." It has been a rocky road to recovery, but to pick herself up she set a goal to reach a healthy weight and fit her wedding dress: "I worked really hard from a mental and physical perspective." READ MORE: Vulnerable coast families at risk before fires, COVID-19 When fire cancelled her January wedding, she felt crushed. "All the psych sessions, dietitian visits, times I was feeling sick and not running - was it worth it?" she said. "I just have to keep going, and remind myself 'yes, it is'." The dream of starting a family and the support of her fiance are her keys to health. "I want a family with him and that life - but you can't when you're unwell," she said. "It hasn't been an easy ride for him either. "The strongest motivator is what it does to people around you. It isn't worth it - the stress and strain it puts on your family and your friends." Ms Sternbeck-Rutter sees girls who are unwell: "You can just tell." She wants to "hug them" and say "get better, you will be okay", but she knows they must "find that intrinsic motivation". If you or someone you know requires support, help is available. To visit the Beyond Blue website, CLICK HERE, or call 1300 22 4636.

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From bushfires to coronavirus, so many people have had cherished plans put on hold in 2020.

Madison Sternbeck-Rutter copped a double "doozy" - first when bushfires surrounded her Bodalla wedding venue in January, then when COVID-19 locked down her alternative venue in another state.

Ms Sternbeck-Rutter grew up in Lilli Pilli but lives in Brisbane with her South Coast fiance. The couple wanted to be married at home on January 18.

LOOKING AHEAD: Madison Sternbeck-Rutter at her bridal shower in November. Having two wedding dates stymied was tough, but she knows how to dig deep.

As fires bore down on the coast, fate separated them. Ms Sternbeck-Rutter's fiance had come home to see family, while she remained in Brisbane.

"He flew down there for his dad's birthday and was stuck there over New Year's," she said.

The coast had no power or mobile reception and Ms Sternbeck-Rutter could not contact him or her family.

"I was so worried; I had no way to get in touch."

Ms Sternbeck-Rutter is grateful her family evacuated safely and their home survived, unlike the 501 shire homes lost. Her family still hoped the wedding would proceed.

A rooftop view of a Grandfathers Gully property at Lilli Pilli during the New Year's Eve bushfires. Picture: Georgie Rowley.

"Some family and friends wanted it to go ahead; after all the disaster it was something to look forward to with everyone coming together," she said.

"But there wasn't any confirmation of ongoing power, or roads staying open."

As bushfires continued to rage, the wedding was cancelled.

"The owners of the venue at Trunketabella Gardens evacuated to Canberra," she said.

Ms Sternbeck-Rutter searched for a new venue and booked Brisbane's Walkabout Creek for July 3, only for coronavirus to cause another roadblock.

"It has been a bit of a doozy," she said. "It's not as bad, because it's the same venue, same everything - we are just postponing," she said.

Family are still prepared to travel from overseas and interstate for the couple's third attempt in December. "Everyone has been so great," she said.

Ms Sternbeck-Rutter did not wallow in a "pity party" - she's learned a lot about mental health in her young life and shares her story in the hope of helping others.

Coping with change has been a challenge for Madison Sternbeck-Rutter.

After moving from Canberra to Brisbane last year "I fell in a ditch," the former Lilli Pilli resident said.

She missed her friends and routine, but planning her wedding kept her on track - including planning to be a healthy weight. That meant gaining weight.

Ms Sternbeck-Rutter suffered from anorexia nervosa as a teen.

Anorexia occurs in about 0.5 percent of girls and young women and has the highest death rate of all mental illnesses.

As a teen, Ms Sternbeck-Rutter ran competitively. Exercise was her outlet, but it became unhealthy.

"I run to get rid of anxiety and stress; but when I run, I get very controlling with what I eat," she said.

"It would result in extreme weight loss. With the weight loss, would come an increased level of obsessiveness - it's a downward spiral.

"When there's something to deal with I go straight to that pattern of thinking."

She was hospitalised at 14, and again last year "because the doctor said I could drop dead".

"There are certain medical markers: my blood count was low, my heart rate was 32 and my liver was failing. It was bad ... and it's silent."

The strongest motivator is what it does to people around you ...

It has been a rocky road to recovery, but to pick herself up she set a goal to reach a healthy weight and fit her wedding dress: "I worked really hard from a mental and physical perspective."

When fire cancelled her January wedding, she felt crushed.

"All the psych sessions, dietitian visits, times I was feeling sick and not running - was it worth it?" she said.

"I just have to keep going, and remind myself 'yes, it is'."

Madison Sternbeck-Rutter with her pet pal George who is always up for a cuddle when her fiance is away.

The dream of starting a family and the support of her fiance are her keys to health.

"I want a family with him and that life - but you can't when you're unwell," she said.

"It hasn't been an easy ride for him either.

"The strongest motivator is what it does to people around you. It isn't worth it - the stress and strain it puts on your family and your friends."

Ms Sternbeck-Rutter sees girls who are unwell: "You can just tell."

She wants to "hug them" and say "get better, you will be okay", but she knows they must "find that intrinsic motivation".

If you or someone you know requires support, help is available. To visit the Beyond Blue website, CLICK HERE, or call 1300 22 4636.

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Love will find a way: From bushfires to coronavirus - Bay Post/Moruya Examiner


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